‘Your Monster’ - Review
Throughout history, society has been quick to negatively label women for any heightened emotion that surfaces–the inevitable markers for the Deadly Transgressions of a Woman in Society. We have the Witch; pure anger. There’s the Harpy, which is jealousy. The Banshee; anxiety. The Dragon is confidence, but then there’s the Hag, which is insecurity. The Gorgon is frustration, while the Vixen is longing. A woman is likely to be called one or all of these in her lifetime, and as each monster grows in size and power, so does the urgency to hide them or eradicate them completely.
Caroline Lindy, director of Your Monster (2024), wants you to be unapologetically monstrous. There are so many things in this world that can trigger anger, or any heightened emotion. As a woman, the list is too long to type. Every single day, I find something to get upset about, and then I gaslight myself into thinking that it’s not normal to be mad so often. Maybe I should switch my medication, or maybe I should meditate more. I convince myself that there is something wrong with me. Why do I feel so MAD all the time? Through Your Monster, Lindy explores this phenomenon (femininomenon, if you will) of RAGE and the relationship that women have with it.
Your Monster (2024)
Based on the director’s life situation after college, the story follows Laura (Melissa Barrera), an aspiring Broadway actress, as she is recovering from cancer. Her longtime boyfriend broke up with her because he decided he couldn’t devote any more of his life to caring for his girlfriend while she was sick. The first 15 minutes of the movie shows Laura wallowing in her sadness. She is heartbroken, but feels like the breakup is her own fault because of her sickness. Although the viewer scoffs as she texts him multiple times begging for him to talk to her–this is standard in an emotionally unbalanced relationship. As women, we are meant to shoulder the blame no matter what. If this man couldn’t love her at her worst, then she probably wasn’t great at her best, right?
The Monster (Tommy Dewey) appears in Laura’s closet when Laura finds out that the Broadway theater show that she and Jacob (her ex-boyfriend) worked on during their relationship is taking auditions, and she wasn’t invited to try out. Although Jacob winds up giving her the lead understudy role, she still feels betrayed because the lead role was written specifically for her. Lindy mentions during our interview that this was truly the first time she developed a relationship with her own fury. She states: “When this beast started coming out of me, I was scared of myself, and it felt uncomfortable.”
After meeting, Laura and Monster develop a volatile relationship. At first, they hate each other, but then they become amiable from co-existing in the same space. Through a fun little montage of fraternizing, we see their connection turn into a friendship. The friendship blossoms into a full-fledged romance in the film after the cast Halloween party scene. This scene is a pivotal shift in the mood of the movie. During the party, Laura is close to her ex-boyfriend in a casual setting for the first time. They are not friends, but have been cordial since the beginning of the rehearsals. She starts to gain some confidence around the man who broke her heart. However, the mood sours when Laura notices him flirting with the lead actress. The anxiety she feels is palpable through the screen–Barrera masterfully portrays the drunken panic we feel when we lose control of a situation. She captures what it’s like when your illusions are shattered–when you realize the person you’ve been thinking about all day, every day, is not thinking about you, and you can’t deny it anymore because the evidence is in front of your eyes.
Her frenzy only ends when Monster shows up to court her for the rest of the function. Since Monster is a manifestation of Laura’s dark side, we can assume that she has accepted her anger at this moment, which has momentarily put her at ease. Lindy herself states that her Monster, her anger at its most climatic point, was manifested as a voice hissing at her that something needed to change. She needed to get rid of the toxicity that was surrounding her. She writes this in the movie as Laura and Monster catching Jacob with another woman. Monster pulls a trap door and Jacob falls, breaking his arm. This is the corporeal release of Laura’s emotion in that moment. Afterwards, with prompting from Monster, Laura emotionally agrees that the situation is unacceptable–what her ex-boyfriend did to her was unacceptable. Life is absolutely not fair, and she does not have to take it lying down. Laura finally realizes that she has a right to feel unadulterated rage. She screams and cries in the rain, a true rebirth of mindset, all thanks to Monster. Through this cathartic revelation, Laura feels in harmony with Monster. The unification is depicted through their intense physical intimacy in their sex scene.
Your Monster (2024)
The main conflict of the film comes after Laura’s confrontation with Jacob. During their rehearsal, she lets her newly unleashed emotions take over, and she calls him out for all of his misdeeds in front of the entire cast. They continue their argument without an audience, and Laura loses her confidence. She pushes her Monster back down, and they wind up hooking up. Immediately after their rendezvous, he fires her from the show, citing that Laura is now a “liability.” The irony of this is clear as their musical is about a finishing school for girls, in which the main character doesn’t follow the rules of being a lady and is crucified for it. She goes back home to Monster, who has been waiting for her. He is understandably very disappointed in her actions. They get into a fight and Monster profoundly howls that Laura has locked him up for her entire life. She screams back that she “needed to.” This is poignant, as this is the culmination of quintessential feminine rage. More often than not, women choose the most agreeable path because they need to, for self-preservation. To let the monster out is to be looked down on, and many of us can’t afford that option.
The falling action of the film occurs at the opening night of the musical. The lead actress (Meghann Fahy) found out that the role was meant for Laura, so tells Laura to perform in her place (a true girl’s girl). As Laura gets to the dressing room before the show, she catches her best friend Mazie (Kayla Foster) intertwined with Jacob, and finds out that they have been having an affair for many months, even while Laura and Jacob were together. This is the moment of the film when Laura lets herself go completely–she lets Monster, her rage, fully take over all of her senses. She absolutely captivates the crowd by playing the role that was meant for her, but Jacob is incensed when he realizes that Laura hijacked his show. He hypocritically releases his fury at Laura during intermission. In response, Laura gives Monster permission to kill him. Obviously, this is the “ish” of the opening title-card stating that this is “Based On A True-ish Story,” as Lindy did not actually kill her ex-boyfriend (allegedly). However, we can interpret this scene as Laura finally closing the door to her old life. Through killing Jacob, she also killed her insecurities and her hesitation to shine.
Am I a Monster? Sometimes I think so. For many years of my life, many people have told me to change. You are too much! Too mean! Too hyper! Too loud! Too angry! Too silly! Too relentless! You take everything too far! Every time I heard one of these, I tried so hard to adjust. Change, grow, conquer that “too.” Over and over–for God’s sake be NORMAL! But it is so incredibly hard, every single day, to make yourself less. How much less does one have to be? What is the equation to fit into society–to have a lot of friends? What shape do I mold myself to hold onto a partner, to feel “myself” around someone (but not really, because I don’t know if they would like that)? Do I have to put on a performance for the rest of my life? Does everyone feel this way? If not myself, who should I be?
After many years, and countless crises of self, I gave myself permission to just be. I am definitely too much; I don’t think anyone would argue with that, but I refuse to live any more of my life smaller than I’m meant to be. Like Laura, I have killed that hesitation to shine. We all have our Monsters; and we should give ourselves permission to love them, as ugly as they might seem. As for me, I’m in a polycule with each of my monsters–we love each other and we’re never breaking up. Any person in a relationship with me, in any form, will just have to accept the entourage.
Sam’s interview with Caroline Lindy, director of Your Monster (2024)